I got married to my husband Jesse on 8th November 2014. On Monday this week we celebrated 7 years in marriage. As I contemplated what I should write in this week’s blog, my friend Mary suggested that I share seven lessons from my seven years in marriage. And so, here they are…
- A healthy and thriving marriage takes work. A healthy body requires you to eat right and exercise regularly. A thriving career or business requires you to keep learning and improving and doing your best to get good results. A good marriage equally takes work. Over the years I have learnt to make time to talk with my spouse so we can cultivate a genuine relationship and prioritize him and this has enabled our marriage to grow healthier year after year.
- True strength is not about speaking up but holding my tongue. The Holy Spirit normally meets me in the bathroom as I strategize how I will confront my husband usually about a petty issue. He often will tell me that it is not worth bringing up and I have learnt to listen. Choose your battles well. Bring up only the issues that are worth bringing up, the rest, LET GO!
- Marriage is only a part of life and not all of life. It is easy to become extremely clingy to your spouse, forget your friends and have your whole life revolve around what is good or bad in your marriage. Remember that marriage is only one aspect of your life. You ought to have friends, an extended family, a career or business, your spiritual life and Christian ministry that you need to focus on. Thinking too much about what’s going right or wrong will consume you if you do not allow yourself to have other activities in your life to engage you.
- It takes two to tangle. It is easy to believe that your spouse is the reason for all the problems you have. However, it is more likely that you both have a part to play. Have you enabled your spouse’s wrong behavior? Have you neglected them? I complained that my husband was not being proactive in making decisions for the family but guess what, I had enabled that. I was making all the decisions and never giving him the chance to do so and yet I blamed him. Check yourself.
- Pray for your spouse. They need your prayers. Pray for their work, parenting, protection. Pray for wisdom and discernment in their roles at home and out of home. Pray for their friendships and associations. Pray consistently.
- My spouse is not God. Only God can satisfy completely. My spouse can not meet all my needs for companionship, security, provision. Only God can do that. To expect my spouse to meet all my needs is unfair to them and impossible and will only lead to frustration. Let God take care of your needs and work through your spouse to meet some of them.
- A healthy marriage is essential for good parenting. My children need me to have a good relationship with my husband in order to have a good relationship with them. I can not neglect my spouse because I am consumed with the needs of young children. My children need their parents to have a good relationship first and the out flow of that love is passed on to them.
What has marriage taught you? Share in the comments below.